Satire: How to Prepare for Midterm Exams

by Jordan Corts and Rickayla Myles

Rickayla's Advice

Next week, all Upper School students are having midterms, and many students are stressing out about their upcoming exams. I personally recommend putting a textbook over your face while you sleep so you can obtain the information from it; you should be prepared for exams the next day.

If you are studying the night before an exam, you should take all your study guides, put them in a blender and just drink it so it can be inside you forever.

A lot of people are always saying that they have body pains from exams and are always stressed out. Taking a hot, scalding bath full of coffee can take the stress out of your body and you give you tons of energy for the next day.

If you want to pass your history exam, all you must do is make a time machine; it is not that hard to do.

Jordan's Advice

With Greenfield School’s Upper School midterms quickly approaching, many students have begun searching for coping strategies to help deal with the exams.

Personally, I like to start my mornings, especially when they are stressful, by dumping my head in a nicely prepared pot of boiling water and screaming in agony to take my mind away from the stress of exams.

If this does not work, I recommend accidentally stubbing your toe on the corner of the molding at least five times. Once you have finished your refreshing plunge into boiling water, it is time to head off to school.

Today we’ll be talking about the best way to get you through the wonderfully dreadful exam that we know as the MID-TERM. Once you arrive in your testing room, you’ll likely be greeted by one of our proctors. If you don’t mind someone clearing their throat every five minutes, they’re absolutely no problem. However, if you so choose to ignore them, I like plugging my ears with bees as to avoid any comfortability during the exams.