Satire: A Guide to Planning a Trip to Disney

by Jordan Corts

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Are you interested in taking your very own trip to the House of The Mouse? Then this will be the perfect guide on how to score a nice hotel, get on the best rides, and get the best prices possible.

If you're planning on staying overnight, you’ll obviously need a place to stay. However, those prices are far too high for this guide.

Instead you’ll be staying right in the park in the most luxurious spot: the bench.

While your luxury suite will certainly hold all the amenities one may need, you'll still want a good meal, and what better place to find it than the very glamorous trash cans located near numerous restaurants. Some of my favorite items include: unopened ketchup packets, half eaten hotdogs, or even if you're lucky, some melted ice cream.

While you may struggle getting onto one of Disney’s thrilling rides, what's more thrilling than running from park employees who are trying to remove you from the park? If you are unfortunate enough to be removed from one of the parks, you're in luck: there’s three more!

Before sending you on your way, I’ll share a way to fly for absolutely nothing! Enter your local airport and make your way to the attended flight before someone checks their bag, jump in! It’s no big deal if you have to throw away some of their stuff to fit, though I recommend bringing a blanket, because it’s going get cold.

Have fun on your trip and bring me a souvenir when you inevitably return. Maybe a half-eaten hot dog, perhaps?